Stress Relievers

WARNING: For 18 and above . ( dont say i never warn u..hehehe)

Stress Reliever #1

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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Stress Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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Stress Reliever # 4

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"

Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"

Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
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Stress Reliever # 5

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Stress Reliever # 6

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
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Stress Reliever # 7

Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

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> > Stress Reliever # 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
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> > Stress Reliever # 9

A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?

He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.
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> > Stress Reliever # 10

Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?

Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!
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> > Stress Reliever # 11

Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?

Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.
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> > Stress Reliever # 12

A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour.
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> > Stress Reliever # 13

Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?

Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.