pantasnya satu bulan..

i might be seen stubborn, rough, suka berlawak, but deep inside i'm fragile..

each time attended others wedding, deep inside i feel like crying..knowing my wedding wont be as i wished before. remember, it never come across my mind of having glamorous wedding.it will be just perfect if i could have everyone i love around me. surrounded by everyone i love and people who loves me.

i know.

siapalah kita nak menghalang takdir, melainkan redha dengan setiapnya.

but losing two person yang tersayang (arwah nenek and arwah mil), in one year.bukanlah mudah.i keep on trying untuk mengawal perasaan and live my life as normal. but definately everything is different now.

to share with you, i still remember first time nak jumpa dia (arwah mil). i was so scared. even dah sampai depan rumah, i asked MF to send me back.tamo masuk. sebab takut sangat-sangat she cannot accept me. blame drama-drama melayu for this!hehe. tapi MF cakap, takpe mak dia ok. so i took a very deep breath walaupun sangat-sangat nervous time tu.

seriously, dia memang tak seperti yang disangka. she was very good to me. orangnya ikhlas, hingga i can feel keikhlasan dia menerima i walaupun baru kali pertama jumpa. masa tu, i was still studying in UTP, selalulah dapat kuih raya dia kirim setiap kali anak dia balik kampung beraya.suka sangat tart yang dia bagi.gemok and sedap. some of my UTP friends pun mesti ingat tart ni.gemuk and gebu.punyalah suka, i can even finish half of the bekas kueh. hehe.sebab tu tembam gila-gila masa kat Uni dulu.hehe.

bila dah lama tak jumpa dia and rindu, aku akan tanya MF, mak awk takde ajak saya datang rumah ke? hehe,tak malu kan. so kadang-kadang ada jugakla aku muncul semak-semak dekat rumah MF tp tu pun kalau ayah izinkan. last jumpa adalah di alamanda makan johnny sama-sama, sebulan sebelum arwah pergi. dia cium pipi aku banyak sangat. memang tabiat arwah cium pipi banyak-banyak bila aku dah nak balik tapi kali tu lebih banyak dari biasa..tak sangka itu yang terakhirkan...if only i knew, i will hug her tightly and close to my heart...

esok, 8hb, genaplah sebulan, rasa macam baru semalam...i miss her so much..sangat-sangat.semoga rohnya aman di sana.dan harapku satu hari nnt kita dapat bertemu lagi.Amin. walaupun tak banyak memori bersama dia, tapi takkan ku lupa setiap satunya..

each time people ask about my wedding, aku rasa bagai runtuh and only if i can burst my tears out.moga perasaan macam ni akan berlalu.mungkin suatu hari nnt.

alfatihah buat dia dan arwah nenek.salam sayang.